Tuesday, January 19, 2016


This blog has been nothing
but a magical dream for me
these past six years.

It is now time to say goodbye.
I've found somewhere new
and special to write.

Noting contaminated with
was and has beens.

If anyone does ever read this,
and is interested in continued
let me know.

Hopefully you know how to get
ahold of me.

Blessings and love to all
those who inspired me to write.
I hope I didn't write a hateful post about you
Thanks for the forgiveness



Monday, December 21, 2015

Recent Events

Due to recent events
I plan to write on this blog

For now at least

Enjoy the last 6 years of my life

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The Longterm Thing

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to backpack Europe
Well, I spent 5.5 wonderful weeks abroad and couldn't
have had a more flawless trip.

Now it's back to the real world and I feel even more lost
then when I left.
I feel like I really know where I am when I'm discovering.
The rest is just motions on motions.

Now I'm thinking about how to go back to that place
of wanderlust and discovery

What really scares me though is that you don't
ever spend substantial time with anyone.
You play for a few days and leave.
Find a new fuck buddy,
find new drinking buddies,
and 9 new roommates.
How do you ever maintain a longterm relationship with that?

Good thing I'm scared as fuck of
all of that.
Sorry folks.

Lonely Sad You

Before there was ever a me
or an us,
there was a you.

A sweet sad you.
A lonely you.

And now I want to talk to you more then ever,
make sure you are okay,
rub your head and
just hug you with the purest of intentions.

But there is just a you,
and a me
separate from so many other things

I wanted to cry today for you
but I couldn't.

Remember that time we danced under the stars,
the wind swept my bangs across my
pale cold face and you kissed me
through my hair anyways?

We both had hair stuck to our lips and
we laughed.
We laughed so damn hard we cried.
Then our abs began to shriek and holler
because of overuse

and laughing was overwhelming
and breathing took concentration
to make sure we stayed stable
and didn't drink too much,
or kiss too much,
or just down right play to much.

We sure did love to play
like kids hearing reese's bells and
grasping those fifteen minutes of
immense freedom and joy

gaining calluses on our hands from monkey bars
and running to flip off of tree stumps
and kicking the soccer ball for the final goal before
the bell.

Remember those times
when it was us
and not lonely sad you
and lonely sad me?

Good times.
I think I'll pray for you tonight.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015


I  have just finished a conversation
where I have purposefully left feeling
unworthy, not enough, and powerless
because my machinery is saying that is who I am

Yet, I know this to be anything but the truth.

But, I'm sitting in Starbucks (typical)
doing nothing about it but running
on everyone.

I'm not ready to own up and make it stop
My always listening is winning
and now i'm angry.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Eraser Goodbye

I can't seem to write a paragraph about this

But it's been a year since Ollie and I
packed bags separately,
hugged awkwardly,
and said goodbye

He loaded up the moving truck
goodbye furniture
goodbye sam

I packed my car
hello brother
hello futon

So much has changed since then
and I can say this;
I have never been happier
and I hope the same for him too

I hope he finds the world in a girl
who loves every quirk and crevice of him

Just like I wish to find a man one day
who adores and cherishes me.

We both deserve that,
we just couldn't be it for each other

Good luck Ollie.
It's time to erase you.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

On This Blog

Lately I have felt a little grown out of this blog. I mean blogs aren't really a thing anymore. When I log onto my Blogspot home page i'm following at least 50 blogs, and the only one that is actually updated on a regular basis is Hey Natalie Jean. Let's be honest though, no one actually really reads my posts anymore, and i'm no longer writing to inform all my Facebook friends about the fabulous life i'm living. I'll continue to write for at least a little while longer, but there will probably be some small changes put in place.  Have fun searching for them.