Sunday, March 29, 2015

Sunday Afternoon Brain

Recent Thoughts:

  • April 29th is creeping up and it's starting to haunt me
  • I should start shooting B&W film again 
  • Kurt Vonnegut always knows what to say 
  • Where can I go skydiving again? 
  • PDX
  • What is my next tattoo? 
  • Leanne's 60th birthday 
  • Feeling a little SLC homesick 
  • Camping and bonfires 
  • Budget for Thailand 
  • Home decor? 
  • ERAC career options 
  • What is my dream job? 
  • I didn't do my Landmark HW again
  • Visiting Sea-Town 
  • Writing on this damn blog 
  • Sex 

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

What I Wouldn't Give

What I wouldn't give for a few
secret things tonight.
Boy, what i wouldn't give.

Guess we'll never find out.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Aaahhhh Freedom

I was texting my oldest brother tonight. He asked me what my plans were for the evening. I told him I had just come back from exercising and that I was going to grab some coffee and write. He texted me back "Aaahhhh freedom." I couldn't help but smile and nod. "Yup." I thought.

Writing for me is a type of freedom that I don't think I feel anywhere else in this life. This blog has been a huge part of that for me over the past 6 years. Lately I have been thinking about how I owe this blog it's own personal post. I just can't seem to come up with anything appropriate and generous enough to show my gratitude to this little sight.

My oldest brother is an avid writer himself. He has written in a journal everyday for at least 15 years years, and has had his own blog for the past eight. It's been wonderful to read his memories about living in Japan and New York City, witness his views on technology, and books, and read about his view on family life. Tonight as I was catching up on some of his posts I came across this little gem. I liked the way he thanked his blog so I thought I would share. He can always say it better. Enjoy

Eight Years Running

I clearly remember when I started this blog. It was eight years ago this month. I was sitting in my office on the 32nd floor of the historic Equitable Building in lower Manhattan, where, if I stood up and looked out the window from the right angle, I could see the hole created by the tragic events that occurred five years earlier on a sunny Tuesday morning. I don’t occupy that office any more, but am sure the view of the Hudson I used to have is blocked by WTC 2 and 3 rising majestically into the sky, only shadowed by 1 WTC.
Those were good days. I was so eager, ambitious, so free. I remember my walks at lunch, my old friends, the job I worked so hard to get. Some days were definitely busy, other days were less so. And it was during one of those less busy days that I felt like writing. I felt like I needed to share my thoughts, experiences, musings and insight with whosoever cared to read. Blogs were all the rage back then and so I created one. Over the last eight years, the frequency of my posts have varied, but one things has been consistent: I have posted at least once a month for the last eight years, regardless of the lack of readership or response.
Since this blog’s birth on that November afternoon in 2006, I have owned three homes in three states and have had four daughters. I am working at my third job since leaving the one in lower Manhattan and have had the chance to travel to various countries and cities. I have managed to develop some professional skills, have walked thousands of miles and sprouted plenty of gray hairs. The title of this blog does not make as much sense as it used to when I lived in New York, but the title has remained through the years. And despite the lack of visitors, this blog is still what I intended it to be – a place for me to write and share.
Thank you for the last eight years. I have been truly blessed.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Skinny Love

I have always been in LOVE with the song "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver. Yet, I never really knew what the song meant. The song became an international hit when Birdy redid it back in 2011 but the question remained the same for me. I found the most amazing live version of the song by Ingrid this past weekend on Spotify, and have been on repeat ever since. Needless to say, I decided it was finally time to figure out the meaning to this beautiful song. I found this quote from a blog that Justin Vernon said about the song.  Beautiful right? Please listen to and enjoy every version of this song

Somewhere Permanent

The following post has several grammatical errors, just like the rest of my blogs. Enjoy them!

I grew up in the pacific northwest. I loved it there. The green lush trees 365 days a year gave me an endless forest playground. The never ending rain taught me the importance of layers and to never care about my hair on a day full of the beautiful drizzle. When I moved to California as a teenager I remember always wanting to move back to the northwest one day, and  for some odd reason Oregon was always my state of choice. It wasn't my hometown of heartache, but it was literally the same thing. I remember watching this TV show that came out as a teenager that took place in Portland. I could totally live there I thought. Ever since I left, my desire to go back as been oozing inside of me.

Recently I took the plunge and moved from Salt Lake City back to Sacramento. Sacramento was never supposed to be a long term idea for me. My intention to move to Sacramento was to get a fresh start but to still have some sort of support system surrounding me. Or as some of my family members put it, I didn't have the balls to actually move to Los Angeles. Yes, that is very true. With LA being my initial intention when I was looking to move I ended up chickening out after my trip to the small town and decided on Sac. Sacramento has been so good to me. I have a great job, have great roommates, my fabulous sister and sister-in-law down the street, and a few random friends spread out in the local area.

With my terrible moving history the past eight years I am feeling ready to settle somewhere. Yet, once again I find myself in a temporary living situation. I haven't lived in a single apartment for longer then ten months the past eight years and i'm sick of it. With my recent life purge I can literally fit my entire life in my car now.  Okay, so I am looking to settle down, but Sacramento doesn't feel like that place, It feels so temporary. Part of me can't figure out if it is temporary or if my machinery just makes everything temporary and keeps me in constant motion because consistency is scary and I am really good at change.

So lately my obsession with Oregon has come back for multiple reasons. My best gal pal and I threw up the idea that we should go play in Portland one weekend and I bought a ticket the next day. With everything not panning out for my dear friend, I ended up with a trip to Portland by myself. I couldn't be more excited about it. This will be my very first trip all alone. I'm not visiting anyone and no one is going with me. I am couch surfing for the first time with a gentleman that was gracious enough to actually accept my request. I got a list of things that I want to see, want to experience, and zero agenda besides that.

But, I always do this, I go somewhere and check it out first to see if I could end up there. Mehul pointed this out to me. She said that is exactly why you came to visit me in December, and that is why you wanted to go to Portland. Mehul is already begging me not to move to Portland because she knows me way too freaking well. She keeps sending me pictures of gorgeous two bedroom condos off of Manhattan Beach in Los Angeles and talking about how we can finally work on Sumatrii, and live the best fucking life ever. Although this does sound amazing, something about Portland seems permanent to me. I want to live somewhere and actually feel like okay, I got a job that I can work at for the next few years and not look for pay raises doing the exact same job over and over again. I actually feel at home with the trees, and the rain. I actually live in an apartment where I can commit to being here long term because there would be no possible reason for me to leave.

 Now if you are reading this, which I doubt anyone really is, don't think I am throwing the idea around for anyone. If I told my family about what I was actually thinking my dad would probably just tell me to come home to Seattle, my brothers would shake their heads and hug me and say come back to SLC. We can be silly and eat treats together and go to PG-13 movies together. I can see it now. Then my sister would probably say are you sure you are not looking into Portland for anyone?  But let's be totally honest, no I'm not. This has always been something in the back of my head, and something that I have explored the idea with on several occasions. Now I could very well get to Portland and literally hate it. Say that it is way to hippie for me and screw keeping Portland weird, let's fuck it! Who knows? All I know is that I know me, and I know what I do to myself and I know that I am leaning a certain way. I guess we will see what happens.

How about I just say I am keeping my options open.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Book of Awesome

When I unpacked all of my books last weekend I found The Book of Awesome. Pretty sure I won this book in a white elephant game one year and have never really given it any attention. This morning I threw my belongings into my backpack for a Starbucks session after work, and I decided to bring The Book of Awesome with me. Here are some of my favorite awesome things I found this evening.

  • Locking people out of the car and pretending to drive away
  • The sound of rain from inside the tent 
  • Bowling celebrations
  • Using q-tips the way you're not supposed to use them (My daily routine) 
  • Rain hair
  • Adrenaline
  • Hanging your  hand out the car window
  • Sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out
  • The smell and sound of a campfire
  • When your suitcase tumbles down the luggage chute first after a long flight
  • Perfectly popped microwave popcorn 
  • Remembering what movie that guy is in 
  • Using rock-paper-scissors to settle anything
  • High tens
  • Seeing somebody laugh in their sleep 
  • Sweatpants
  • The smell of books (Yes!)
  • Getting in line before it gets really long
  • Getting into a bed with clean sheets after you shaved your legs
  • Snow falling on Christmas Eve
  • Paying for something with exact change
  • Intergenerational dancing
  • Illegal naps
  • When you get the milk-to-cereal ratio just right
  • Picking the perfect nacho off someone else's plate
  • Peeling an orange in one shot
  • Using all the different soaps and shampoos in someone else's shower
  • The five second rule
  • When you're really tired and about to fall asleep and someone throws a blanket on you
I am pretty sure I could pick awesome things out of this 400 page book for days. It has really made me think of all the things I have to be grateful for. 

Here are a few of my personal AWESOME experiences today

  • The perfect amount of ice in my Starbucks
  • Getting a good morning text from my best friend
  • Singing country with my boss
  • Having the service agents start calling me Meg 
  • Nate and Lindsay sending me pictures from the Pentatonix concert
  • Having Mehul read my flipping mind while Skyping 
  • Bouncing my feet to Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John 
  • Having the guy next to me laugh at my personal conversation 
  • Leaving work at 6:05 PM
Yup, today I'm WINNING!