Monday, March 21, 2011


I have always loved to write. Sadly, I have never found myself to be very good at it. My oldest brother Jerry is an amazing writer. For the past several years he has been an avid blogger. He doesn’t write for anyone but himself but keeps those who read his blog updated on not only his life but the important insights that he has. (To read his blog go here I have always been jealous of his blog. It’s written and researched well and I can’t help but wish I could write like him.

Writing for me has always been a way of expressing myself. When I’m alone and need to get something out I usually end up at Starbuck’s writing about it. I got into writing mostly when I was a senior in high school. My AP English teacher had us start out the year by writing poetry. At first I hated it, but slowly I learned that writing was a perfect way to express one’s self. What I cherish most about writing is the fact that you have to be honest. I find out how I truly feel about something when I write about it. It’s become a source of comfort in my life.

To those of you who are amazing writers like my older brother, I applaud you. It takes a lot of courage to write how you feel and share it. I hope that with this blog I can supply insightful insights into the world we live in. Like The Weepies say, the world spins madly on. So it goes. (Kurt Vonnegut)
I don’t consider myself a frequent flyer, but I have probably had the opportunity to fly more times then the average American. This past weekend I took a late night flight to Oregon and I realized how much I look forward to the flights that I take. Usually I find myself writing my thoughts down through out a flight and listening to my music, but I never realized how much I loved traveling alone and the opportunity of knowing no one and being in my own space.

Growing up I always traveled alone. Starting at a very young age my dad would ship me off for the summer to camps and to my mom’s family’s house out in Utah. It seemed like I was always going somewhere during the summer and consequently, always somewhere by myself. Know don’t get me wrong, I have always been a social person and always will be but being by myself is a time that I have always treasured.

Something about the orange lights and small insignificant cities that fell below me Thursday night opened my eyes to something bigger. It made me realize that I am apart of something bigger then just myself but being just by myself was simply enough. So thank you to my late night flight for making me realize that it’s ok to just be me.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Utah State

Before this past summer I had never even thought about Utah State. Today I am halfway through my second semester at Utah State and loving it. It has been such a blessing in my life to be here. Not only is the church strong here, but the school is filled with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. It has a wide variety of athletic events (including the awesome basketball games that I enjoy watching from the third row!) that I can attend for free and school spirit like none I have ever seen. Along with its many awesome programs, the school is just the right size. It’s not to big and not to small. There are a ton of fun traditions like becoming a true aggie and holds a great reputation. I guess what I am trying to say, is that I love being an Aggie and I am glad that the opportunity to attend this school came into my life. I don’t know what I would do without it.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Someday You Will Be Loved

This past week I took the train from Sacramento to Salt Lake. As I was washing my hands during a quick bathroom brake I noticed that someone had written on the wall “Someday you will be loved.” My mind is still carving the images of the black sharpe through and through hitting me every time.

Being in California this past week reopened my eyes to the outside world. I had forgotten how much of a bubble I put myself in here in Utah. I went through culture shock when I first arrived in Cali. I was appalled at the profanity, nudity, and worldly ways that we as a people live. Honestly, the first few days were extremely hard and I didn’t know how I was going to make it a full week.

For some reason, seeing the words someday you will be loved made me feel like everything was going to be ok. Someday everyone will be loved and whether that particular love story works out in the end or not is a mystery all in itself. It’s nice to think though that one day there will be that person that can make everything better and shield you from the world.

So, dear train vandalizer, thanks for making my day and giving me a little faith in the world. Thanks for making other people’s days and for giving them faith in the world. I had a little bit of hope restored to me that day. I hope someday you will find love just as I hope someday I will find love.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I wish I was a photograph
tucked into the corners of your wallet
I wish I was a photograph
you carried like a future in your pocket
I wish I was that face you show to strangers
when they ask you where you come from
I wish I was that someone that you come from
every time you get there
and when you get there
I wish I was that someone who got phone calls
and postcards saying
wish you were here

I wish you were here
autumn is the hardest season
the leaves are all falling
and they're falling like they're falling in love with the ground
and the trees are naked and lonely
I keep trying to tell them
new leaves will come around in the spring
but you can't tell trees those things
they're like me they just stand there
and don't listen

I wish you were here
I've been missing you like crazy
I've been hazy eyed
staring at the bottom of my glass again
thinking of that time when it was so full
it was like we were tapping the moon for moonshine
or sticking straws into the center of the sun
and sipping like icarus would forever kiss
the bullets from our guns

I never meant to fire you know
I know you never meant to fire lover
I know we never meant to hurt each other
now the sky clicks from black to blue
and dusk looks like a bruise
I've been wrapping one night stands
around my body like wedding bands
but none of them fit in the morning
they just slip off my fingers and slip out the door
and all that lingers is the scent of you
I once swore if I threw that scent into a wishing well
all the wishes in the world would come true
do you remember

do you remember the night I told you
I've never seen anything more perfect than
than snow falling in the glow of a street light
electricity bowing to nature
mind bowing to heartbeat
this is gonna hurt bowing to I love you
I still love you like moons love the planets they circle around
like children love recess bells
I still hear the sound of you
and think of playgrounds
where outcasts who stutter
beneath braces and bruises and acne
are finally learning that their rich handsome bullies
are never gonna grow up to be happy
I think of happy when I think of you

so wherever you are I hope you're happy
I really do
I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight
I hope you finally found a way to quit smoking
I hope your lungs are open and breathing your life
I hope there's a kite in your hand
that's flying all the way up to orion
and you still got a thousand yards of string to let out
I hope you're smiling
like god is pulling at the corners of your mouth
cause I might be naked and lonely
shaking branches for bones
but I'm still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met
you were the first mile
where my heart broke a sweat
and I wish you were here
I wish you'd never left
but mostly I wish you well
I wish you my very very best