Eraser Goodbye

I can't seem to write a paragraph about this

But it's been a year since Ollie and I
packed bags separately,
hugged awkwardly,
and said goodbye

He loaded up the moving truck
goodbye furniture
goodbye sam

I packed my car
hello brother
hello futon

So much has changed since then
and I can say this;
I have never been happier
and I hope the same for him too

I hope he finds the world in a girl
who loves every quirk and crevice of him

Just like I wish to find a man one day
who adores and cherishes me.

We both deserve that,
we just couldn't be it for each other

Good luck Ollie.
It's time to erase you.

On This Blog

Lately I have felt a little grown out of this blog. I mean blogs aren't really a thing anymore. When I log onto my Blogspot home page i'm following at least 50 blogs, and the only one that is actually updated on a regular basis is Hey Natalie Jean. Let's be honest though, no one actually really reads my posts anymore, and i'm no longer writing to inform all my Facebook friends about the fabulous life i'm living. I'll continue to write for at least a little while longer, but there will probably be some small changes put in place.  Have fun searching for them.

The Many Places I've Called Home

The following is a list of positive memories I have gathered from each place I have lived in the past eight years. Some very personal, some not so much. Enjoy some of my favorites 

Apartment 2B Home (Rexburg, ID)

- Writing everything we loved about each other on the milk gallon that was purchased weekly 

- Studying in the quite section of the library next to my boyfriend 

- Playing on a coed futsol league

- Nightly walks to the park so I could make out with my boyfriend even though we were surrounded by every other Mormon couple plastered to the grass for their individual make out sessions. 

The Basement Home (Rexburg, ID)

- Sharing one shower with five girls that was made for a midget. I almost had to kneel to have water pour over my head

- Planning my wedding to Pablo

- Having a landline that actually rang on occasion

- Sharing a room with two girls instead of one

$325 Rent Home (Rexburg, ID)

- Waking up each morning to make Pablo lunch for the day 

- Running from the frozen outside to my bed on chilly Sunday afternoons for naps after church 

- Spending Christmas with Pablo in an empty Rexburg and five feet of fresh white snow to play in

- Making the 30 minute drive to Idaho Falls just to go to Starbucks and sip a warm chai 

The Elk Grove Pool Party Home (Elk Grove, CA) 

- Having my nieces over weekly to swim at my complex with me

- Going to the temple with Cameron and Stephanie on an early Saturday morning

- Purchasing my long haired chihuahua Podi.

The Mountain Home (Provo, UT)

- Staring down at all of Utah County from a lush green field while Podi played

- Walking up steep snowy roads in the winter that my car couldn't climb so I could get home

The Branbury (Provo, UT)

- Sneaking in and out of Pablo's room using his patio so his roommates wouldn't catch me spending the night

- Catching my roommate Hillary borrowing my clothes daily 

- Long conversations with my very European roommate Jelka

- Longboarding down Provo Canyon at any hour of the day 

- Walking to Alex's apartment on Saturday mornings just to sit in bed and talk 

The Audrey Home (Logan, UT) 

- Placing every stupid thing we said on a postcard and taping it to our living room wall 

- Enjoying homemade dinner by Audrey every Wednesday while we watched Modern Family on the big screen on campus

- Walking the dreaded steps up Old Main hill to get to class while others turned it into their personal mountain 

- Taking that last minute trip to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving and walking the strip from start to finish

Tere's Home (Tehuacan, Mexico)  

- Taking Sunday walks around the city with Gina while we photographed the world around us 

- Playing soccer with the locals every Tuesday evening

- Walking to my favorite taco stand every night.

- Long talks around the long wooden table in Tere's kitchen

- Skype dates with Tennessee 

- Walking home in the flooded streets of Tehuacan 

The Boat House (Logan, UT)

- Moving a living room wall just to get to my hidden bedroom 

- Sneaking up the creaky staircase to Brandon's room just to snuggle at night

- Listening to the Sound Of Music coming from Cia's room at all hours of the day 

- Meeting Gibbs for burritos at Beto's on Sunday's at midnight

The Yellow Home (Piura, Peru) 

- Taking showers in the middle of the day for hope of a drop of warm water

- Doing laundry by hand with 311 blazing in my ears 

- Making the biweekly trip to downtown Piura to Skype with Oliver

- Befriending a stray dog and watching her raise her pups in a cardboard box 

- Riding in the back of a truck to the beach 

- Walking to Starbucks in the hot sun for free wifi 

- Manchu Picchu 

The Forget Me Not Home (Logan, UT)

- Coming home to find my roommate and her friends playing live folk music in the living room 

- Going through the endless boxes of stuff left from previous tenets 

Ollie and I's First Home (Logan, UT)

- Skateboarding to the grocery store just to buy candy bars

- Walking around the Mormon Tabernacle on warm summer nights 

- Constantly refilling our ridiculous water fan that never cooled anything or anyone 

The 2 Month Home (Orem, UT)

- Painting at Color Me Mine with Oliver and Mehul 

- Leaving suddenly and screwing our landlord over

The Final Home (Murray, UT) 

- Purchasing Sam from the Humane Society one Saturday morning 

- Spending Friday evenings after work at Gracie's 

Nate's Home (Salt Lake City, UT) 

- Waking up to fresh pancakes and Luke pounding on my bedroom door for breakfast every Sunday Morning

- Dinner at the Copper Onion with anyone 

- Watching Survivor with Nate 

- Weekend sibling dates with my brothers 

- My beautiful commute up to Park City 

- Sunday Brunch with Michael 

Current Home (Galt, CA)

- Evening chats over a glass of wine or bottle of cider

- Saturday morning coffee in the backyard oasis 

- Dinner on the patio with friends and family 

I still think the best is yet to come. 

Memories

I was looking through some old files and found a paper I wrote back in college consisting of a series of distinct memories in my life. I thought I would share one.

"Megan?" My fragile Grandma called. "Can you do me a favor? I need you to feed your mother this melon. Just give her one at a time," her wrinkled hands shaking, pointed towards the bowl of melon placed on the rust colored tile countertops. I quickly grabbed the stained plastic bowl, a fork and headed down the dark narrow alleyway leading to my parent's room. Mom lay there quietly and smiled when I walked in. I pranced around the foot of the bed and sternly sat down nudging my bum back and forth back and forth in order to be far enough along the bed that my simple feet could dangle in content. I stabbed my first piece of ripened cantaloupe and gracefully placed it into her mouth. While I waited for her to chew I joined in the festivities of deliciousness and speared myself a piece of melon. I bit down and the sweet juices emerged to every crack and fold of my mouth. I grabbed another piece and fed it to my Mom then quickly replenished my own mouth.

Pretty Okay

I told someone this week that I was pretty okay.
I was so pissed afterwards
I'm not pretty okay!
I'm fantastic!

Sorry for misleading you!
The world is my oyster
and my cute brain couldn't be happier about it.

What Would You Do?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Would you jump off the barn into that stack of hay,
or would you sneak out your bedroom window for a goodnight kiss?

And what would you do if you knew you would fail?

Would you still show up to the audition yelling
"I think I can!" in your head?
Or, would you still slide your phone number over on a napkin,
wink, and walk away?
Probably not.

Life is the biggest jokester sometimes.
You never truly know what you might get
Pass or fail

Do you remember that time when you told me
that I was the gosh darn prettiest thing you had ever seen?
You looked at me like I was a final three point shot in an
NBA final,
like I was a peach tree that just produced my first fruit,
and like I was the only face that existed in a sea of
green eyes and brown hair.

Boy do I miss that look. What would I have done
if I knew we could not fail?

Baby, I'm missing you, and I hope you're missing me.
I sit outside at night and just stare at my feet
thinking "I could walk to you." or 'You could walk to me."
Isn't that a thing?
But it's not because I live in a country town avoiding country things
and who the hells knows where you live. Maybe in a city,
or a town, the ghetto, or way out in the boondocks.
Probably not walking distance

But I will tell you this.
We can go on walks together
shoot, we could chase the moon together and I don't think I'll ever
get tired of the way you place your hand around my waist
or the way you push my hair behind my ear
just so you can stare.
Look into my eyes and watch
basketballs go flying through the midnight sky
like astroids trying to catch the blazing epic sun

Our steps would go one, two, one, two
and I would salsa, and sing
typical me
And you would shake your lack of hips
and bite your lips

Well at least that's how I imagine it will be
Here's to praying that life turns organic
that when the clock strikes midnight
and the planets align,
that I meet you, and we succeed.

In That Case...

I have had so much to say lately, that I can't even fathom about putting it on this blog. To much information. So, in that case, here are some recent thoughts.

-Northwest! Northwest! Northwest!!
-Sex
- Road trips
- Weather that requires a rain jacket
-Photographing the sunrise everyday
-Europe
-The idea of living off of a credit card
- Writing confidently
- Avoiding conversations
- My brothers
-Alcohol consumption
-Sex :0
-Obligation vs responsibility vs success
- Really living the life I want

I'm working on it all.