Pretty Okay

I told someone this week that I was pretty okay.
I was so pissed afterwards
I'm not pretty okay!
I'm fantastic!

Sorry for misleading you!
The world is my oyster
and my cute brain couldn't be happier about it.

What Would You Do?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Would you jump off the barn into that stack of hay,
or would you sneak out your bedroom window for a goodnight kiss?

And what would you do if you knew you would fail?

Would you still show up to the audition yelling
"I think I can!" in your head?
Or, would you still slide your phone number over on a napkin,
wink, and walk away?
Probably not.

Life is the biggest jokester sometimes.
You never truly know what you might get
Pass or fail

Do you remember that time when you told me
that I was the gosh darn prettiest thing you had ever seen?
You looked at me like I was a final three point shot in an
NBA final,
like I was a peach tree that just produced my first fruit,
and like I was the only face that existed in a sea of
green eyes and brown hair.

Boy do I miss that look. What would I have done
if I knew we could not fail?

Baby, I'm missing you, and I hope you're missing me.
I sit outside at night and just stare at my feet
thinking "I could walk to you." or 'You could walk to me."
Isn't that a thing?
But it's not because I live in a country town avoiding country things
and who the hells knows where you live. Maybe in a city,
or a town, the ghetto, or way out in the boondocks.
Probably not walking distance

But I will tell you this.
We can go on walks together
shoot, we could chase the moon together and I don't think I'll ever
get tired of the way you place your hand around my waist
or the way you push my hair behind my ear
just so you can stare.
Look into my eyes and watch
basketballs go flying through the midnight sky
like astroids trying to catch the blazing epic sun

Our steps would go one, two, one, two
and I would salsa, and sing
typical me
And you would shake your lack of hips
and bite your lips

Well at least that's how I imagine it will be
Here's to praying that life turns organic
that when the clock strikes midnight
and the planets align,
that I meet you, and we succeed.

In That Case...

I have had so much to say lately, that I can't even fathom about putting it on this blog. To much information. So, in that case, here are some recent thoughts.

-Northwest! Northwest! Northwest!!
-Sex
- Road trips
- Weather that requires a rain jacket
-Photographing the sunrise everyday
-Europe
-The idea of living off of a credit card
- Writing confidently
- Avoiding conversations
- My brothers
-Alcohol consumption
-Sex :0
-Obligation vs responsibility vs success
- Really living the life I want

I'm working on it all.

Brothers

I must say that I had a perfect night with my brothers. 

Good food and laughs, 

NBA finals

soccer in the basement, 

lots of shoving and pushing

The "You should have never left!" comments 

and long lasting hugs. 

Boy have I missed these men. 

and 

Boy have I missed Utah. 

Now I'm wondering why I left. 

Child Kisses

Yesterday I found out that my last living grandparent passed away. 

It was semi expected 

and for the most part painless 

It was weird

I said goodbye to her earthly body months ago 

and hope to one day get to know her outside of 

"Well, when you were a baby you never wanted to spend time with me. 

Your mom was sick and you only wanted her." story. 

The only thing I imagined yesterday was 

Mom hugging her mom,

then me gripping my mom.

in white. 

Like a celestial room,

with double mirrors, 

and fresh flowers,

and old ladies everywhere 

I don't know what happens after life,

but I do know that I believe in it

As a child when I would kneel 

by my bedside and roll back and forth 

from side to side so as not to push carpet lines 

into my tender knees

I would ask God to give 

Mom,

Grandpa,

Kelli, 

and

Luke 

kisses. 

I would blow them each out individually. 

One, two, three, and four. 

I think I'll add another two this evening 

for my two grandmas that I have lost 

in the past year. 

Let's see if I even pray. 

Until then. 

Language

Excuse my language.

Fuck Megan,
You are better then this!

Rock Me to Sleep Will You?

Well, I'm doing it again.

I just returned home from another
over the top weekend in the city of
Lost Angeles.

I regretfully packed my bags,
and jumped on my once again
delayed plane back to the
City Of Trees.
Painfully.

Not that I want to live in LA
I can hardly see myself there,
but I'm in my lonely phase.

I'm pushing everyone away that cares about me.
I'm telling myself that I am strong, that I
have always been alone,
that I don't need them.
I got this.

It's total bullshit, and I know it.

But here I am near tears
hoping that William Fitzsimmons
will rock me to sleep.

I'm thinking about running
and it sounds so sweet.