What do you do when you heart is telling you something
and you know its right but
you just can't seem to follow through
because life is easier without that decision?
What do you do when you don't want to end up with that decision
but executing it would crush your whole world
and cause it to come crumbling down around you
like little pieces of damaged hearts and lungs?
You see, I have been meaning to write for a long time
In fact I have been craving alone time for a few days now,
but I just love being with my loved one
Now, I am actually going to write out how I feel.
which is the best way to tell anyone that I know
what I actually think about something.
This time next year
I could very well be on the other side of the country
or on the other side of the world
Both sound amazing to my eager heart
So what am I going to do?
Who do I choose and what do I do
with the rest of my life?
Yes, I am young and life
can change at any moment
but I have a fairy tale in my head
of a loved one that appreciates the arts like I do
that can read a book by my side,
loves to spend time in coffee shops and listen to people's art
Because sitting in a coffee shop all day
reading books and learning and
breathing and being
doesn't sound so bad to me.
I'm almost as anti social as they get
and although I am not awkward
I enjoy and need my alone time
in ridicoulsly large amounts.
Maybe I will move to New Zealand
and open a coffee shop
Serve over priced drinks to travalers and locals
and allow a giant room full of fall smells,
an ambiance of peace and serenity, and a
little Jose Gonzalez to their day
and allow them to read my books
and steal them and be okay with it
because I gave my book to someone who
was so in touch with the semantic symphony inside
that they stole it from me.
And before that, maybe I will travel the world
and sleep on benches
and feel unbearingly lonely
just because I can and because no one has to feel bad for me
and because I got to cry and be a peace with one
in India, or the Alps, or Kenya.
Maybe I will cry when I find a beautiful book
and buy it
and cherish it
and then cry again
when it's not on my coffee house book shelf.
Yes, maybe I will do that.