Okay, I must apologize for my previous post.
I am just in a ruff spot.
I thought it was getting better,
but when it comes down to it
I still feel as lonely as I did last week
and keep fighting back the tears to keep
me looking professional
and from making my make up look zombiefied.
I have this small aching hole in my heart that is starting to expand
to my lungs so I can't breathe right
and is spreading to my eyes
so I can't see right
and is spreading down to my large legs
so I can't walk right
My whole body is in so much despair that waking up
seems like the worst thing my body
could ever imagine to do,
but somehow I always get up because waking up,
is not nearly as bad as going to bed,
because going to bed means that I
am going to be alone
and have no defense against the dark shadows
that hide in my closet and under my bed
When I go to bed,
I lay there and lay there
and think about
what the hell I am going to do after I graduate,
how I can keep myself fully occupied the next day,
what I can do to stay happy and not feel so damn lonely
I know I am being a big baby,
but babies are loved
and cuddled and have
that wonderfully weird baby smell.
I just want to know that somebody cares
that we are not going to run if things get hard,
and that you will hold me
and be there emotionally for me when I need to be a baby.
I promise I am not a needy person,
in fact, I can't stand needy people,
but right now I need to be,
so I am going to be a baby
and hope I can teach myself to grow and mature
and move on to walking right,
and developing my body and soul.
Hopefully that has happened next time I write,
or who knows what I could turn into next.