AJ

Darling AJ asked me to take a picture of her for her Disney audition.

Isn't she just lovely?

18 Years

One of the few things I hold dearly to my heart is my mom’s journal. Buried amongst my small pile of books, my mom’s journal from her junior year of high school gracefully collects dust between readings. I honestly don’t know how I became the owner of this treasure, but I do know that certain boys liked to walk her to class and call her after school, and I know about her friends and loved ones of that year.

Having my mom’s journal inspired me to first write in my journal. One of my new year’s resolutions for 2011 was to have a journal entry for everyday. Thanks to my mom’s example, I am now on year two of writing every day straight.

I don’t know what it is, but it seems like I have constantly been homesick for my mom the past six months. I find myself trying to remind myself of her constantly. I even put on her plum clip on earrings the other day just so I could see if I could see part of her in me with them on. I find that I try to listen to her favorite bands, and keep pictures of her near by at all times.

My mom has been gone for almost 18 years now, and I feel like the pain of her loss is barley setting in and taking over my emotions.

So, I have been dealing with it any way I know how.

I am so grateful for the few years that I got to spend with her, and for all the kind words and story’s that her friends and family enjoy telling me. I’m grateful for her possessions that continually get passed down to me through the years, and I am grateful for her ability to inspire me even from above.

Tate and Sara

My lovely roommate Sara is getting married to her love Tate in May. They were gracious enough to let me take some pictures of them on Friday. Here are just a few samples. Enjoy.

Ghosts

This song is beyond beautiful

And my current obsession

I present you with “Ghosts”

By: Laura Marling

Please enjoy thoroughly

And remember it’s beautiful outside

And that all things happen for a reason

So it goes.

Talents

We all have talents

Some are useful and some…

Not so much

For example, my brother Nate can do this crazy thing with his lips

That he swears up and down that no one else can do.

It’s kind of a shaking, funny sound thing.

It’s hard to explain.

Anyways,

Ollie has a cool talent

You know those stuffed animal vending machines?

The ones that NO ONE ever wins a stuffed animal from?

Well,

Ollie wins stuffed animals from them all the time!

In fact, I am the proud owner of five stuffed animals!

All of which are won from one of these vending machines!

It literally blows my mind every time he wins!

And it makes me love that kid even more every time.

Another one of Ollie's many talents!

I think it might be his dream for me to do a kickflip like this one day

But for now,

I will just keep letting him skateboard over me

and photographing,

and of course skating.

Another Language

Ever since I was a little girl, dance is something that I have always needed. Now, I have never had the skill, talent, or flexibility to be good, but somehow I have never been able to shake my love for it. Dance for me, is a way to get everything out. It’s so real and understanding. It’s a different language. No once cares what you are doing, as long as you are telling your story through your movement.

Recently, I have been needing to dance. I didn’t have time to fit a dance class into my schedule this semester, and it’s killing me. I don’t have time, and can’t afford public or private lessons, and so my living quarters have had to suffice.

Tonight, I wasn’t feeling whole. I needed dance. I found this lovely video on youtube and absolutely made my night. I think it helped fill the little gap in my heart tonight. The talent, grace and beauty of these girls is spectacular. Please enjoy.

Woman Holding A Balance

I've hit that wall

The wall that says no more studying

No more working

Relax.

Take some time for yourself.

I just took a test,

have another one in a few hours,

have to work late tonight.

Have 36 Spanish assignments to do by Friday.

Have a Spanish test on Friday

Spring break is next week,

but,

I'm working 40 hours

taking engagements,

writing a paper,

doing a take home midterm,

and trying to get my life organized

The above piece is a work of art I am studying for my art history midterm in just a few hours. The piece is entitled Woman Holding A Balance.

I thought it was appropriate

for the gloomy weather,

my undone hair,

my desire to do good,

but my lack of motivation to currently study.

Pray for me.

A Little French in Me

About ten years ago was the last time I saw my Dad's side of the family. My Dad took my two older brother's and I to Europe, and we were able to explore a little bit of the life that my Dad grew up in. To give a little history, my Dad was born in Spain, but spent most of his childhood in central France. My Dad joined the LDS church as a teenager, and eventually served a mission in Paris. After he returned home, he came over to the states, met my mom, and the rest is history.

I have always been a little sad that I have missed out on the cultural experiences and family that have awaited me on the other side of the world. When my Dad took me to Europe I fell madly in love with it. I remember coming home and telling my grade school friend Nicole literally every single detail of every single day. I loved playing with my cousins, trying to communicate through their broken English (Since I didn't know any French or Spanish in those days) and the unfamiliarity of the culture. I longed to be apart of it. My cousins were longing to come to the United States, while I was longing to move to Europe.

Since that trip ten years ago, I have yet to return to Europe. My Dad returns about every year and a half to see his family, and I am always secretly hoping that he is going to surprise me and bring me with him. (Although I know that this is never going to be a reality.) Since I have been single again, Europe has seemed more like a reality. I am dying to experience the sights, experience the culture, and explore more of my Father's childhood.

Currently, my best friend from high school has been studying in Milan Italy and has been skyping with me about all of her adventures all over Europe. I know it's weird, but it almost makes me homesick. I am dying so bad to go.

The sad thing, is that I currently have a lack of money, and although I keep leaving the country, I keep going to South America not Europe. Although I cannot wait for my upcoming summer in Peru, South America was never my dream. Europe was.

Tonight I am in the library studying for the two treacherous tests that await me tomorrow. I was listening to the Mumford and Sons Pandora station when Louis Armstrong's La Vie en Rose popped onto my playlist. I can not tell you how "homesick" it made me. This song always makes me think of my few days spent in Paris; probably because of the 1995 film French Kiss which uses the song as a sort of theme for the lovesick relationship I am currently having with Europe.

Pray for me that someday I will make it back and that I will be able to experience everything I want to. Until then, I will continue to put La Vie en Rose on repeat and daydream away until I realize the library is closing, I will never be prepared for my tests, and that travel will come one day.

Reaching for the light

I feel like i'm reaching for something, but i'm not sure what yet

Actually, I think I know, but I am to scared to admit it

You see, sometimes life is really hard

And all you can do to stop from crying is take deep breaths,

disappear into a corner for a few minutes,

or suck it up.

But I can do hard things!

Right?

Haven't I always done hard things,

Or

Did I glide through those moments?

I haven't really decided yet

But I do know this.

It's tax season which means that my Father is currently detained

I need to talk, but my selection of people that would understand is low

And, I feel like I am wearing myself thin.

So today,

I skipped school

I photographed some pictures

I finished a book

I am going to shower and get looking sexy

Work and make some dinero

And

Stay in a positive mood

Because, sometimes we go through hard times because of our actions

And sometimes it's because of other's actions upon us,

But,

That doesn't mean we can't succeed!

Because,

I can do hard things!

I'm going to go reaching for the light

Thank you Sara, Dubray, and Leanne for the continued strength and encouragement you give me.

Sandwich

My beautiful roommate Sara decided today to show me just how much she loves eating sandwich's. Enjoy!